


Solitary Suffocation

by XanadiaTeacup



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Abandonment, Alien Biology, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 03:34:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11432307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XanadiaTeacup/pseuds/XanadiaTeacup
Summary: Depression turns to rage as Zim discovers his true purpose on Earth. Death. He was meant to die here, alone. Unable to face the crushing emotions, the alien resorts to self destructive behaviours in order to cloud the pain and abandonment he's feeling. Dib attempts to guide him through his sorrow to show him the brighter side of his exile.(more description to come)





	Solitary Suffocation

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, all! Been QUITE a while since I last wrote. Won't go too far into it, but I had a rather abusive relationship that caused me to stop writing for a few years. On the bright side, I can now use my experiences to further my writing style and go further than I had before.  
> If you have any suggestions, advice, comments of any kind, I would love to hear from you. You all help me to continue and keep my drive.

“I am nothing.” A chill ran down his vertebrae as he’d realized the gravity of his situation. “I’m a joke. An example of degradation and ultimate failure.” Zim fell to his knees as the screen in front of him buzzed with static interference. The darkness of the room seemed so much colder. He replayed the message just to be sure he wasn’t imagining it. 

“Hey, Zim! It’s the Tallest Red and Purple. Since it’s been nearly 3 Irken years and 10 Earth years, we’ve decided to send you this message to confirm that we’re on the same page.” Red spoke calmly and with the respect Zim now knew he never once deserved. Purple was seen in the background of the Massive ship eating a handful of chips. “Actually, we just want you to stop calling!” he yelled from across the room. Red sighed and accepted the futility of the respect he was showing. “Yes, we really need you to stop calling. You see, even after 10 Earth years, you haven’t conquered anything, which wasn’t the point of sending you there anyway. Let me make this abundantly clear. You’re not on a mission and you never were. You’re a plague on your own race and we needed you gone without creating a spectacle out of killing you.” Purple chimed in, “People don’t like public murder, Zim! You made us do this by being an idiot!” Red nodded in agreement. “He’s right, Zim. Honestly, we didn’t even know there actually was a planet out there! HA! We thought you’d have died in space and we’d find your skeleton in the cruiser a couple years from now when we decided to conquer that side of the galaxy!” 

Zim was frozen. He couldn’t feel anything. He could barely breathe. 

“Well, anyway! Quit calling us! We’re not sending you anything and we don’t want your updates! Just be a good degenerate and die on that dirt ball. Kay! Thanks bye!” Before the video cut out, Zim could blatantly hear Purple screech with laughter and Red sigh. “Gods I hate talking to that idiot. Bet he didn’t even understand the whole thi-“ 

Zim sighed. It felt like he’d held his breath for hours. Once again the screen turned fuzzy. The metallic voice of the computer broke the silence. “You want me to play it again, or do you get it now?” Zim winced and his heart dropped at the computer’s brutal remark. “Thanks. I got it.” The alien slowly rose to his feet. He felt such a raw emptiness that he could have sworn was dry ice in his abdomen. He haphazardly put on his disguise and boarded the elevator to the surface. He needed something…anything to take his mind off of this pain. It was too much. Too much to accept in one night. 

________

“Dib! Where is my hair dye! You took it didn’t you! You WANT my roots to show!” Dib sighed at the sound of his sister’s shrill cries. “No, Gaz, I didn’t take your hair dye! Why would I?” 

“Shut up, stupid! I found it!” Dib chuckled and continued his studying. A few years prior to his living situation with Gaz changing to a very nice loft apartment, his father had passed on. The famous Professor left half of his fortune and experiments to each child. Gaz took half of Dib’s funds as well so she could go to a school for game design. Dib was fine with that, he got all the research and continued some of his father’s work. However in the meantime, he busied himself with the Irken database he’d hacked into last year. The signal faltered every now and then, which he attributed to the ships going into hyperspace. So far, he’d learned at least half of the written language and became fluent in spoken word. He was deservedly quite proud of himself for learning an alien language. Of course, he would never admit it, but the more prominent reason for learning was to surprise Zim and bond with the Irken; and possibly end up becoming friends with him.  
Dib breathed an audible sigh of frustration and closed his laptop to take a much needed break.  
Grabbing his black coat and a scarf to brave the cold winter air, the young man headed towards his car. As he shut the door he could hear Motionless in White screaming from Gaz’s bathroom. He smiled. Though he and his sister didn’t always get along. They were all each other had and he was pleased that he had company to fill his empty spaces during the day.  
The streets outside were covered in a light blanket of powdery white. The Christmas lights shone bright along the crystalline ivory that fell from the sky. The scene looked as if small pieces of stardust were slowly making their way to join those on the ground. Dib looked at his car and then again at the snow. He shrugged and decided it was far too beautiful to huddle in the car to smoke.  
He reached into his pocket and retrieved his small pack of cigarettes. The menthol was sure to make him feel even colder but he paid no mind and flicked his lighter.  
Dib began to walk to nowhere in particular. Just enjoying the lights twinkling and the evidence of snow angels and makeshift forts. Taking a long drag from his cigarette, he noticed something in the distance. It looked to be a man. A very thin man stumbling along the sidewalk. Dib squinted his eyes to try and make out the character clearly, then suddenly it disappeared.  
“Jesus, am I losing it?” he said under his breath. He usually kept the talking to himself to a minimum but sometimes it would just slip out. He sucked in a minty breath and decided to head towards the shadow he’d seen.  
Walking along the front yards he began to see evidence of someone having kicked up quite a bit of snow. But no one in sight. Where the hell was that guy? “He couldn’t have gotten far.” He mused, “Hello? Anyone there?” A soft clicking noise above him startled Dib enough to throw his cigarette, the only “defense” he had. The offending item landed in the snow next to a tall tree. “Hey! Who’s up there?” he called hoping for it just be a squirrel woken from its hibernation. A loud CRACK! Signaled the presence of something much bigger. A branch fell from the tree, shortly after, a thin man came plummeting to the ground.  
He had a very strange backpack with magenta coloured spots. Dib smiled, he’d recognize that PAK anywhere. “Zim what the hell are you doing in a tree? Spying on human winter habits?” He received a garbled response as Zim’s head was still buried in the snow. Dib helped up the alien and noticed a plastic bottle of some clear liquid in his hand. “Zim, is that water? What are you doing drinking water?” Zim raised his head slowly and jerked his bottle away. “Zhi nae!” the alien spat angrily in his native tongue. Luckily, Dib had been learning enough and was able to fluently communicate with him. “You’re drinking liquor?! What the hell is wrong with you? You know that could kill you right? Where did you even get this? It’s 1 in the morning!” Dib was pretty sure his accent was atrocious but he was able to speak nonetheless. Zim’s eyes looked up at the human and tried to comprehend that it was a human speaking to him in his own language. Somehow he felt a warmth inside at the sound.

__________

“How do you speak my...” the alien burped making a disgusted face, “language?” Dib wrapped Zim’s arm around his neck and heaved him up to begin walking. “Doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re drinking, it’s 1 o’clock and you’re in public. I can count a couple different things wrong with that picture.” Zim winced and lost his footing for a moment on some black ice. Dib was unprepared for the sudden increase in weight and slipped. The two were suddenly very sore and atop each other on the icy pavement. Dib groaned, cautiously he tried to rise from the ground only to catch Zim’s gaze. His eyes were glazed and dim. He’d obviously gotten through a good bit of that bottle before Dib had gotten to him. Zim stared at the boy and wondered when he’d found his skin to be so smooth. Or when he’d wished that he didn’t wear those glasses so he could see his eyes. He let his head go limp to fall ungracefully on the scientist’s stomach. His last thought was of the pleasant warmth radiating from his abdomen. 

____________

“Is he dead?”

“No, Gaz. He’s not dead. Considering an alien allergic to water drank a 4th of 80 proof vodka, he’s doing pretty well.”

“Jesus Christ….” Someone sighed. ‘Who is that? Who dares to speak of Zim when he sleeps! Wait…why am I sleeping? Something’s wrong. Why can’t I wake up?’ 

“So how long is he going to be like this?” the female voice asked with concern.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen him drink alcohol before so it could be very possible that he’ll sleep for the rest of the day. Maybe even tomorrow as well. He’s lucky he didn’t die last night.” 

Zim scoffed in his mind. ‘Lucky? Zim needs no luck. He is an invader! A mighty inva-‘he finally realized how he got here. His mind played back the night before. He was outside a liquor store. Oily tears pooled in his eyes. With a deep breath he released his spider legs to retrieve a bottle of something, anything to make this hurt go away. He’d seen many humans drown their sorrows in liquor and he felt not above them anymore. He was no longer a part of the Irken race. So why act like it? His mechanical leg returned from the broken glass hole in the side of the store with a small plastic bottle of clear liquid. At first it seemed to be water, but after further investigation of the bottle he determined it was a substance called vodka. It sounded harsh so he decided it was good enough. He ungloved his claws looking at them as if they were a disgusting separate part of him. He felt such hatred for his own skin. He didn’t want to be Irken anymore. Another tear began to trail its way down his cheek. Zim angrily wiped the offending tear away and popped the bottle open. Without hesitation he took a large gulp of the vodka. He winced in pain of the burning and sizzling he felt in his esophagus. “Well, that’s different.” He could feel heat pooling in his midsection as he took another gulp of the harsh liquid.  
He left the store behind as the alarm blared. 

What seemed like 20 minutes passed before he was shitfaced. He’d never been drunk before so it was a freeing yet terrifying experience. Zim walked along a sidewalk, he didn’t necessarily want to go home, but he knew he couldn’t stay in one place. A shadow a few houses down from him seemed to stop and stare. Immediately he felt panicked. “Great! Just what I need, a good gawking from the neighbourhood watch.” Assessing his options he noticed a large tree in one of the yards adjacent and ejected his mech legs to launch him in to it. “Okay. Now I just have to stay very quiet.” The footsteps got closer and closer to his hiding spot. He tried to adjust his position so he could take another drink. His PAK whirred in complaint to the awkward shuffling. Disregarding the noise, he held onto a nearby branch to steady himself. He heard the man below him call out. “Wait, is that Dib?” with that notion he snapped the branch and plummeted to the snowy earth. 

“Zim? What the hell are you doing in a tree? Spying on human winter habits?” Zim groaned and muttered a curse in Irken. He felt himself being lifted from the ground and leaned against the tree. . “Zim, is that water? What are you doing drinking water?” Dib reached for his beloved pain killer. He cursed at the man and yanked away his bottle. . “You’re drinking liquor?! What the hell is wrong with you? You know that could kill you right? Where did you even get this? It’s 1 in the morning!” His language? The boy spoke Irken? Since when had that happened? Zim cracked a small smile at the sound of Dib speaking in his tongue. Somehow it sounded better coming from the lips of a human. No, not just any human. Dib. It was Dib speaking and it made the sound seemingly angelic.  
Zim struggled to remember anything after that moment. Even worse…he couldn’t hear anyone talking anymore. He was alone. Suddenly, he felt cold.


End file.
